Eldest son was 13 last week; it marks the start of the teenage years in our house, and a new family chapter.
Part of me (quite a large part actually) is feeling a little overwhelmed and perplexed, that the baby I bought home from the maternity unit is growing into a young man. The teenage years are in part, the cycle of time in which we begin to let go, whilst also still being there, a steady presence. I am in part mourning, the time with him as a baby, toddler, young school boy; they are now past, and how quickly that has happened.
He is a loving, caring, kind, beautiful, thoughtful, clever, quietly confident, handsome young man. He is at the beginning of his journey into adulthood and blossoming into his adult self. The gradual transformation which has happened over these thirteen years; is like being shown a glimpse through a window, to see the man he is becoming.
I vividly remember becoming 13 and my teenage years, there were some turbulent times to say the least and I left home at 16. The freedom was intoxicating and I soaked it up, little did I know then that those few short years from 16 -19; would be the only ones in which I was completely carefree.

I hope I remember how important it is:
• to be heard and listened to properly
• to be allowed to question and have an opinion different to your parents/others/the status quo
• to dream
• to believe in your own unique creativity
• to define your own values and belief
• to fall in love and enjoy your sexual being

I hope that he always knows without question or doubt how much I love him and all the joy he continues to give me.
It is an honour and a blessing to be his mum, I vow to do my best for him; not in a Mary Poppins ‘practically perfect in every way’……..More of, ‘I know I wont always get it right, but I will always be here for you…kind of way’. To continue watching you grow and become all you choose to be.

I have been proud of you since the moment you were born, my arms will always hug, cuddle and hold you, despite your protests….cuddles are full of love.
I know you’ll remember me singing, Into My Arms by Nick Cave and how I’d change it to….Into My Arms…oh Hugh….Into My Arms; I will always remember when you were small, that you would dance and sing with me, precious and priceless; as you still are.




Mum is not so dumb

As it goes I am clever, having just got my 2:1 in Social Sciences with Social Policy proves the point.

Now that I have free time again and for the time being have no more essays or deadlines to meet, what better way than to actually start my blog. The plan is to start by committing to a fortnightly posting, it may feature anything I choose to write about; 2013 is the year of my blog…mum is not so dumb.

The title is a little tongue in cheek, taken from Second World War advertising campaigns. Dumb is a word that may not be used as much as it once was, it isn’t a great word, and dumb doesn’t bring positive thoughts or images into your head. For much of my life I have considered myself dumb, never having dared to believe I may be clever. Those days are gone; I will never again doubt my abilities, skills or knowledge, I have come too far and achieved too much to ever allow such negative thoughts to try and creep back in.

Since I was officially awarded my degree by the OU in December I have been on cloud 9, I am elated, proud, jubilant, the cat that got the cream. I started my degree in 2003, it has taken me 9 years to complete, determination to finish got me through the hard times, doing my degree was symbolic to my recovery and certainly provided an interesting journey getting through it. I have worked hard, I kept plodding away and all the small steps have become my journey, the highs and lows as well as the fails and the re-sit of my last TMA. I  did it, whilst also bringing up my babies, staying married….at times, just, working and battling to get my youngest son diagnosed with Aspergers; moving house, loosing my Gran, Stef and Aunties, much has happened over the last 9 years whilst studying for this degree. Most importantly it has given me a huge sense of achievement, a massive confidence boost and belief in my self, for now I am relishing in being officially clever…..mum is not so dumb 😉